[[A judge is shown holding his gavel in a gesture of amused confusion.]]

NARRATOR: IN LANHAM, MARYLAND, IT'S ILLEGAL ON SUNDAYS TO "KNOWINGLY POSSESS NARCOTICS NOT PRESCRIBED BY A LICENSED PHYSICIAN WITH INTENT TO SELL OR REDISTRIBUTE." WHO KNEW?

[[Two men caught in the act of selling/buying drugs look wide-eyed at the reader.]]

NARRATOR: DON'T GO FORCEFULLY ENTERING PRIVATE RESIDENCES IN TATUM, OREGON -- NOT UNLESS YOU WANT TO RISK A HEFTY FINE AND/OR IMPRISONMENT!

[[A man looks speculatively at the rock in his hand as he stands in front of a window.]]

NARRATOR: . . . AND IT'S AGAINST THE LAW IN GOOD OL' LANSING, MI, TO "ABDUCT AND HOLD A PERSON OR PERSONS AGAINST THEIR WILL"! . . ROGER THAT, ONE-ADAM-TWELVE!

[[Two men, one with gun in hand, the other tied to a chair and gagged, give identical expressions of innocent ignorance to the reader.]]

NARRATOR: ONE THAT NEVER GOT TAKEN OFF THE BOOKS IN OREM, UTAH, IS THE LAW AGAINST "FALSIFYING DOCUMENTATION IN ORDER TO OBTAIN MONEY, GOODS, OR SERVICES." WHOOPS!

[[A dirty man holds up an official-looking document while another holds out a wad of money.]]

{{Text at bottom: and yet it's not illegal to sell a product that's made more of smushed bugs than 2 of the 3 pictured fruits on the label (the mixed berry flavor)...}}