Cheney: The populace is concerned you're reading their mail...

Bush: They're not supposed to know! How else can I protect freedom? 'Sides, I don't read... I'm just looking for patterns!

[[Bush giving a speech]]

Bush: I don't think anyone foresaw the whiskey rebellion... you're doin' a heckuva job, Arnie!

Someone in crowd: ...But it was foreseen! Western Pennsylvania Sher- mmmphh! [[A soldier hauls them away.]]

Bush: ...and there's no scientific basis for not drinking the same water used for sewage... This typhoid epidemic is because of atheists!

Cheney: Your highness, "Whiskystan" has seceded and allied itself with our piracy-war enemy, France. Also, Molly Pitcher has announced she's running against you...

Bush: Attack her war record.

Cheney: Also, I shot a guy.

Bush: In a duel?

Cheney: Um... sure.